Is your child getting Zoom burnout? What is happening and how you can help
TORONTO — Online learning was a difficult choice for Donna Cheung and her husband. Their daughter Graysyn, an energetic and outgoing only child, was starting senior kindergarten at a new school — but with underlying health conditions in the family, her doctor recommended virtual classes instead.
Cheung’s daughter has been one of the lucky ones in many ways, she says, but even so, it hasn’t been easy.
“I do think that it’s hard when you have 28 kids in the class that are all five years old and under — it’s hard to stay focused,” Cheung told CTVNews.ca.
“They don’t always sit in their chairs, I don’t know how much they’re actively listening and learning, or absorbing any of it … Group activities, doing things together, problem solving, there’s none of that.”
The virtual setting can be a challenge even for adults; now, some parents worry online burnout is already starting to settle in for their kids.
Some of the signs may include irritability, outbursts, or lethargy, according to Jeboah Miranda, who runs a foundation that includes teaching female youth how to cope with hardships.
“There’s a noticeable change in behaviour from their day-to-day personality,” said Miranda.
What is exhausting about working on a video platform is that it requires more focus, according to experts. It is especially challenging for children because developmentally, they are at a stage where they are working on learning how to pay attention. Putting them in front of a screen requires them to exert even more effort to stay focused.
“The amount of stimulation they have to process is unappreciated,” said Miranda.
“They’re not taking breaks, the video’s open, they’re monitoring different things. All that requires a tremendous amount of energy that they didn’t have to apply before.”
LOSING WHAT CONNECTS US
Even more importantly for children is that video conferencing makes it harder to process non-verbal cues, like facial expressions, tone, pitch of voice, and body language, says Nikki Martyn, the program head for early childhood studies at University of Guelph-Humber.
It’s not that children are unable to see those cues, but that processing them over video requires more effort. It is a different and more challenging kind of engagement, because unlike adults, children do not have the same level of experience to draw and adapt from — developmentally, they are still learning to master these skills.
“It’s that extra ‘stuff’ that we often don’t really think about — it comes naturally — but it keeps us connected and energized, and it keeps us connected to each other,” Martyn told CTVNews.ca, explaining that virtual learning also lacks the in-class energy that helps keep students more anchored and focused, even as they are able to let their eyes wander while they listen and process information.
These obstacles become even more challenging for children who have a disability, where engaging with the world is already a struggle, said Martyn.
She points to silence as an example of how we engage with others. It is a normal part of conversation, and through body language, gestures and facial expressions, we generally know whether the other person is simply thinking or needs a break, for example.
“Now, in video conferencing, what it often feels like is anxiety: ‘Did the technology freeze? Can you still hear me? Am I here?’ … Because it’s not as interactive, we can’t allow for the silence and the space in the same way,” Martyn said, noting that unlike kids, adults intuitively fill in that silence by explaining what they are doing.
The common silence that comes from a delayed response — the time it takes to unmute, for example — can also leave a negative impression on others, she added. Martyn pointed to one study that showed people were perceived as less friendly or even less focused when they were too slow to respond over telephone or other conferencing systems — even if the delay was by a mere 1.2 seconds.
“It can feel emotionally overwhelming to a kid, especially when developmentally they’re learning these emotional skills and ability to communicate,” said Martyn, who previously founded a private elementary school and early learning centre.
“This isn’t the way that we would naturally learn it, so it’s a little bit disruptive.”
FEAR, PRESSURE AND LOSS
To demonstrate they are paying attention, online students may feel the need to keep their eyes focused on the screen, yet staring so closely at someone’s face for an extended period would be completely unnatural in an in-person setting.
“It’s not part of a natural conversation and it will not be comfortable for most children,” said Martyn, adding that they cannot convey that discomfort with their body language.
“For a child who’s naturally shy, or maybe feels a little bit embarrassed, this will feel really uncomfortable, and there’s nowhere to hide … it can create anxiety, it can create fear.”
Many online teachers are aware of these challenges. Graysyn’s teacher, for example, has made an extra effort to structure their schedule to incorporate more small-group learning time to help engage children too shy to speak up or who are uncomfortable in the larger group setting. But this can also come at the expense of having less overall synchronous learning time.
There is also the self-consciousness that comes with being on video — they are seeing their own face all the time. For teenagers especially, appearances and how they present themselves matter.
“They’re developing their identity and sense of self, right? And so how we look and how we are looking at our face adds so much pressure for our kids,” Martyn noted.
These stressful elements are compounded by other pressures as well that come with online learning.
For many parents, remote classes may feel like an opportunity to witness their child “in school.” It may be hard to resist nagging their child to pay attention when they appear unengaged or unresponsive to the teacher. This can add unnecessary stress as well on a child who may already be feeling anxious.
Online classes also means bringing strangers into your home, which can stir up other feelings of embarrassment or pressure for the child: worrying about a messy room, having to clean up, or how their home might be viewed by peers.
All these different elements can serve as a constant reminder of what we’ve lost — the socialization with peers, the connection with teachers — which can also fuel the fatigue.
“There’s an empathy or feeling that gets lost in it all and I think that’s really important for kids, because so much of where their focus is on, is play and imagination,” said Martyn.
HOW TO HIT RESET
With her usual extracurricular activities like dance and language classes either cancelled or moved virtually, Graysyn is spending even more time online and has far fewer outlets to burn energy, her mother says.
Add in the shorter and colder winter days, it will be dark by the time they log off from work going forward, making outdoor time together after school — something they had been incorporating into their days for the last several months — less likely.
Compounding the stress is the fact that parents themselves are also stretched, trying to support their kids while juggling working from home.
“It’s so much chaos they didn’t have to deal with before,” said Miranda, who also does keynote speaking focused on mental toughness.
To help offset some of these challenges that can lead to Zoom burnout, Martyn and Miranda offer some suggestions for parents and children.
Screen adjustments: If possible (and this may involve discussing it with their teacher), set up the screen so your child’s face can sometimes be off to the side a little, Martyn suggests. This gives them a sense that they do not always have to have direct eye contact. Allow them opportunities to hide themselves from view if possible, so they are not constantly distracted or preoccupied by their own faces all day.
Take breaks: Give their eyes and brains a rest, and let their body do something different, such as stretching, eating, or having a change in environment. Going for a quick walk around the block, being in nature, or even stepping outside briefly can help reduce stress and improve focus. Children with attention issues especially need some active time.
Set boundaries and transitions: These are important for some children, according to Martyn. If possible, create a space only for school where they do not need to go during evenings and weekends. “It’s really hard when you’re walking through school all the time,” Martyn said, acknowledging that creating a separate space may not always be possible. Discuss creating a routine before and after school or at the start and end of the school day to mark the transition between “home” and “school” so the day does not blend together.
Do not multitask: When students are on the computer, minimize or close all the other applications in the background, says Miranda. There are a lot of distractions at home, so multitasking may be tempting, but get them to focus on one thing at a time.
Mental health days: If your child is having a hard time, take a break and recalibrate, says Martyn. It is an opportunity to teach your children how to advocate for themselves, to identify their emotions and put into words what they are feeling and why. It is especially important for parents to show love and support, listen to those feelings and allow your child to experience them. The best thing for their mental health is for them to feel heard and understood.
If your child is feeling anxious, try mindfulness exercises like deep breathing or other coping mechanisms to calm their anxiety, Miranda added.
It’s OK to doodle: If you find your child doodling, it’s OK, according to Martyn, who points to research that has shown people who doodle actually pay more attention and recall more details. It is a form of fidgeting and an attempt to pay attention, Martyn says, so it engages our brain to listen. More generally, it is really important that play and art be embedded into their day, even if it’s not in school, she added. Children and teens express themselves through art and play to process learning, their emotions, relieve stress, and make sense of the world.
“We’re going to screw up all the time right now, there’s no perfect,” Martyn said, but added: demonstrating and encouraging compassion, kindness, gratitude, and making sure your child does not feel alone will all help mitigate some of the challenges with online learning.
How to Manage Kids’ Screen Time During the COVID-19 Pandemic
With children’s time on devices surging, here are six ways parents can handle tech habits in the household and, yes, cut themselves some slack.
https://healthmatters.nyp.org/how-to-manage-kids-screen-time-during-the-covid-19-pandemic/
With schools shifting to remote learning and many summer camps canceled or going virtual, kids are using screens — from tablets and computers to smartphones and TVs — at least 50% more than they were before the coronavirus pandemic, according to a survey by SuperAwesome, a tech company focused on kids digital media. It’s true that too much screen time, especially for young kids, may affect certain aspects of their development, but with COVID-19 preventing 70% of the world’s students from entering a classroom and parents dealing with reduced child care options and fewer social outings, increased screen time is unavoidable. So, what are parents to do?
Throw out the rulebook, one expert says.
“All of the previous concerns we had about screen time for children have been completely flipped upside down,” says Dr. Jennifer Cross, an attending pediatrician and a developmental and behavioral pediatrics expert at NewYork-Presbyterian Komansky Children’s Hospital. “Everything is now over the screen — school lessons, play dates, interactions with family members, birthday parties — so screen-time rules have to be completely redefined since this is how most children are learning and socializing.”
Health Matters spoke with Dr. Cross, also an assistant professor of pediatrics at Weill Cornell Medicine, on ways parents can shift their expectations about their kids’ screen time while maintaining healthy habits.
Here are six things to keep in mind:
1. Understand that screen time is much more than entertainment now.
While kids are spending much more time on screens these days, it’s important to remember that connected devices aren’t just being used for downtime. In fact, they have morphed into interactive, learning modules and tools to engage with loved ones. “Screens have become the way kids interact with the world,” says Dr. Cross. “It’s how they are engaging with family members, friends, teachers, and classmates. To view screen time as the same as it was before COVID-19 is just not feasible.”
All young children need plenty of opportunities for socializing and learning, even if it has to be on a screen, reminds Dr. Cross. With this in mind, she encourages parents to think a bit differently when it comes to screen time during the COVID-19 pandemic, and to give themselves permission to relax a little about old screen-time rules.
2. Focus on quality and variety.
There’s a lot of programming for children out there, so it’s wise to stick with the shows you know and trust. For younger children, opt for educational programming like Sesame Street. It’s also worth placing more attention on slower-paced shows like Mister Rogers’ Neighborhood or Bob Ross’ The Joy of Painting, rather than super-stimulating cartoons with lots of action and little dialogue. Slower-paced shows are more like real-life scenarios, which may help keep overstimulation at bay.
Variety is crucial for a developing, growing brain. “If they’re watching a cartoon or educational program in the morning, then try to switch it up in the afternoon with some kind of interactive online activity,” suggests Dr. Cross. Check out trusted sources like PBS Kids, which sends out a daily newsletter with show and activity ideas, or “Google local museums, aquariums, or zoos to see if they’re offering some virtual tours or streaming programs you can take advantage of,” says Dr. Cross.
Don’t forget to incorporate non-screen-time activities into the day when you can: “If your schedule allows, go for a quick family walk around midday to get some physical activity. This is also the time to bust out all the coloring books, art supplies, Legos, puzzles, even audiobooks and podcasts — anything that gives them some variety,” advises Dr. Cross.
3. Stick to a schedule.
Even though we’re stuck at home more, it’s still important to adhere to a routine and a consistent schedule. “I’d recommend parents follow the same routine that they would in terms of getting ready for work,” says Dr. Cross. “Don’t spend the day in your pajamas. Have your meals at a set time, and get outside at least once every day.” The same goes for screen time: Even if it’s happening more than usual, build a schedule for it to set expectations. Kids respond better when there is structure to a day rather than a free-for-all.
4. Don’t forget to engage.
Whenever you can, talk with your child and ask about what they’re watching and learning. For parents working from home, this will be tricky, so it means getting creative, such as carving out time at the end of each day to catch up. There are also countless apps, educational games, and online activities children can engage with that are interactive and involve more participation than staring at a screen. Common Sense Media is one resource to spark ideas for follow-up questions and conversation starters.
5. Use it for exercise every day.
Physical activity remains critical for kids’ development and well-being, and ideally they should get outside to exercise or play every day. “Even though it’s not as easy, you still want to build in some physical activity each day,” says Dr. Cross. If you can’t get outdoors as often as you’d like or if the weather’s not great, look up dance videos or exercise videos you can do together. GoNoodle videos are wildly popular with young kids for fun movement activities and yoga and mindfulness exercises. “It’s a good way for kids to burn off steam,” says Dr. Cross. “You’re still in front of a screen, but at least you’re exercising and doing something together.”
6. Prioritize screen-free family time.
While it’s OK to be more lenient about screen time during the pandemic, “it’s still valuable to incorporate screen-free time for the whole family, particularly around mealtimes,” says Dr. Cross. Technology shouldn’t replace sleep, outdoor exercise, reading, or family time. “As long as you schedule in family time — whether it’s going for a walk, cooking dinner together, playing an evening board game, or reading at bedtime — it helps to balance out all that screen time.”
At the end of the day, cut yourself some slack. “This is such an unusual situation, so the last thing you want to do is get overly stressed out about how much time your child is spending on a screen,” says Dr. Cross. “Everybody should forgive themselves for not being able to be quite as good as they would normally be. And that is OK. Just do the best you can. ”
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